


Harder Than it Was Before

by malecpriorities



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alec Lightwood Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Cutting, Hurt Alec Lightwood, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Magnus Bane Loves Alec Lightwood, Slight trigger warning, im sorry, no in depth description of it though., ⚠️ - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2019-03-04 21:05:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13373049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/malecpriorities/pseuds/malecpriorities
Summary: WARNING: Cutting and depression.Please don’t read if you easily get triggered. The cutting isn’t described in any length whatsoever.Alec is extremely depressed after Max's death. Magnus is doing his best, but somehow is best isn’t good enough. Until it is.





	Harder Than it Was Before

Time really does change people. For Alec, it had changed him in some good ways, but there were those dark and twisty parts of his head that he couldn’t seem to get untangled from. It was as if the ropes of his brain kept pulling him deeper and deeper down into this darkness that he couldn’t escape out of. 

Magnus tried to help him but every time he’d grab hold of Magnus’s hand he just pulled them both down even further.

Alec knew that Magnus didn’t know what to do. That was alright to Alec, but to Magnus it was the end of the world. He’d get so frustrated he’d cry, but Alec would just sit there in silence. Everything felt numb, there wasn’t much to feel for Alec to start crying as well. 

Magnus was trying his best, but Alec couldn’t do anything. He felt as if his whole world had come down, and it was all because his little brother died three years back. 

It wasn’t a fresh wound. It was the type of wound that came from a dull blade, and it itched horribly. So, Alec would itch the wound until the scab came off. 

Magnus was probably mad at him for itching the wound. He could see it in his eyes every time he would come home to find Alec on the floor in the bathroom surrounded by drops of his own blood and covered in small iratzes. Too small to fully heal the small cuts through his skin, but large enough to stop the bleeding. Alec knew he was about to lose his best friend. 

This time, Alec wasn’t the first to arrive home. He walked in, saw Magnus on the couch in tears, and his first instinct was to comfort Magnus. Then, it was like a flip switched on. He couldn’t help him, he’d only hurt him more. It was Alec’s own fault that the love of his life was crying and he couldn’t do a thing about it.

Alec was stuck in place like a statue. He stood there wondering what he should do. Should he keep walking? Should he at least make an attempt to be there for Magnus? 

He made up his mind, and walked towards the bedroom. He stopped in his tracks when he heard Magnus’s voice. 

Magnus rose his voice slightly and spoke again. “Alec. Please don’t.” 

Alec didn’t turn around to look at Magnus. He knew that would just hurt him even more. “Don’t what?” 

“I don’t know. Don’t leave me? Come back to me, Alec.”

Alec’s head dropped ever so slightly. “I’m right here Magnus.”

“No, you aren’t.” Magnus whispered, just loud enough for Alec to hear. “You’ve been gone for the last three years. Checked out, left for good. So please, just come back to me Alec.”

“I don’t know how to. It’s like I’m drowning and every time I see you it’s like a breath of fresh air, until you’re just out of reach and my brain starts pulling me even deeper into the water.”

“Then let me save you. Please, Alec. If I’m your breath of fresh air, let me come to you. Let me save you.” Magnus said, tears still streaming. 

“It’s not your battle to fight, Magnus. You barely knew Max. We just barely knew each other at the time.” 

“Every time you push me away, you’re making it so we don’t know each other even more than when Max died. So, Alec quit pushing me away! It’s no longer your choice to push me. If you push, I’m going to pull. This is your war to win. Okay? So let me help you win it. You need an ally and I’m here for you.”

“Okay.” 

“Okay?”

“Yeah. Okay.” Alec opened the door in front of him and went to bed, leaving Magnus even more frustrated than he was before.


End file.
